I stole this quiz from Haruko-san. I'm sure she doesn't mind.

x. I am: An individual.
x. I want: To be happy and surrounded by those I love.
x. I have: Friends who I can trust and who (I hope) trust me.
x. I wish: That everyone I love and myself will be happy for the rest of our lives.
x. I hate: When I get depressed for stupid shit.
x. I miss: All of the friends and family that have moved away.
x. I fear: Complete and utter lonliness.
x. I hear: All the sweet sounds of the world, be they made by nature or humans.
x. I search: For my purpose in this life.
x. I wonder: What will I do with myself in the future.
x. I regret: All of the times I wasted on stupid things when I could have been doing something to better myself, others, or simply enjoy another's company.
x. I love: My family, my friends, my pets, and living a halfway decent existence
x. I ache: To have a relationship (in that non-platonic sense .^_~)
x. I always: Battling the "Good" T-chan and the "Bad" T-chan in my head. @_@
x. I am not: A person who likes to be copied by wannabes.
x. I dance: When I feel the beat of life!
x. I sing: All the fucking time!
x. I cry: When I worry/ am sad/ think about a bleak future.
x. I am not always: The nicest person.
x. I write: what I feel, and craft it into a story that (I hope) will give others a chance to enjoy the places I see and think of in my head. .^^
x. I win: Less than I like to.
x. I lose: Badly.
x. I confuse: Everyone, including myself.
x. I should: Learn to accept change.
x. Three things I am often complimented for: My writing, my art, and oddness. .o_O *can't really think*
x. I get embarrassed when: I'm caught singing really, REALLY loud.
x. It upsets me when: I think about politics, or I think about my friends leaving.
x. I keep a journal: To remember all the oddities of life.
x. I like to cook: Whatever I can!
x. I have a secret I have not shared with anyone?: Yes, many.
x. I believe: That in the end, everything will turn out ok. Even if it's a bitch to get that far.
What is?
x. Your most overused phrase on IM: XD and "I know!!"
x. Last image/thought you go to sleep with: Whatever's on my mind that day, though last night it was about dragons.... .^\\^
x. Your best feature: I'd have to say, the color of my eyes. <3
x. Inside joke: "Blind = ...No good??"

Do You...?
x. Take a shower everyday: I'm no stinky person! Of course!
x. Have a (any) crush (es): Oh, Kami, of course. Too many for my own good.
x. Think you've been in love: No, I don't think so... more like infatuation.
x. Have any tattoos/where?: Someday, there will be... Someday...
x. Piercing/where?: In my ears and an attempted navel piercing that went horribly wrong. Heh... .^^
x. Get along with your parents: Almost all the time. .^^

AIM SCREEN NAME: Topaz-Tribal
SIGN: Scorpio
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: Blonde
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Light Brown (eh, my hair just got darker as I got older)
EYE COLOR: Blue/grey and at times, green .o_O

(FAVORITES)
NUMBER: 22
COLORS: Blue, green, black, and silver
DAY: 22
MONTH: November
SONG: At the moment "Elgin Avenue" by Danny Michel. For the Ame~ "Rain, rain, don't go away. I'm glad you're here and I hope you stay. You couldn't have come on a better day."
FOOD: Chicken, yum.
SEASON: Fall
DRINK: Tea~ cold and unsweetened.
VEGGIE: Cucumbers!!
(PREFERENCES)
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT?: Depends on the person, time, and place .^_~
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE?: Hot Chocolate, only in the Fall/Winer/any time cold.
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE?: Dark chocolate. Ugh.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? Almost always vanilla.

(IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU)
CRIED?: Nope, and that's good
HELPED SOMEONE?: A few people, actually. .^^
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: Ah, yes. Too many things.
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: Not in forever. .-_-
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? If the Caf. counts...
SAID, "I LOVE YOU??: Nope
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: Nope
TALKED TO AN EX?: Nope
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: Of course
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?:
MISSED SOMEONE?: Always
HUGGED SOMEONE?: Not that I can remember
KISSED SOMEONE?: Nope
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I haven't fought with my parents in who knows HOW long. *V for Victory!*
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: Just play fighting. .^^

Well, yesterday was good. After dinner, Kaede-chan, Linkie-chan, and I went to the mall. It was awesome. And in the arcade, they had DDR again! REAL DDR!! XD After that, we watch "Boondock Saints" and the first episode of "Slayers Try". But then it got too late and we had to go back. *sigh* Wish I didn't have to work at 10 every morning. It kills.

Skipped just Japanese yesterday. It was Yayoi day, so I figured I could afford it. Of course, Haruko had to give me shit. "Don't fucking fail or there won't be a class next semester!" When she puts it like that, it makes me wanna fail just to spite her. If it's one thing I don't like, it's people telling me what to do once I've decided to do something else. That day, I didn't get enough sleep, my roommate had to wake me up early AGAIN with her studying, and I was worked to death in my first three classes AND work. Up at 8, going non-stop until 4. She get's up for one fucking class at 6. She can bite it. I was tired and needed to unwind. Besides, listening to Yayoi-san or Kum Hi-san usually only cofuses me more about the material.

Bottom line in that quick rant: I needed a break, and Haruko did not make it better by being snippy.

Hells, I understand why she'd be pissed if there was no Japanese. It's the only class she gives a hoot about. Damn, it's the only thing she REALLY cares for. Least it seems that way to me. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's getting to be a bit much. It's overwhelming me. It's all she does. Everything has to be about Japan. Japan this, Japan that. Damn, my head hurts thinking about it.

Then there's her "calling". She knows that she has to go to Japan, and that it's her destiny and what have you. That's all well and great. The sad part is, she's been talking about this for about a year now. A whole year of nothing but Japan and all the greatness that is (not denying it) and how she belongs there and how America's not good enough, blah, blah, fucking blah.

It all comes down to this: Japan > every-fucking-thing else.

Simple math.

And now to the root of the matter. Why I think I've been getting pissed at Haruko-san for seemingly no reason?

It's simple really.

She's leaving.

Little history to make it clear. When trying to pick a college to go to, I obviously wanted to go with one my friends. I have abandonment issues. Anyway, I was all "Ok, Dinna, Martes, Brandy. Where are you guys going?"

Dinna = Michigan Tech. Couldn't go there because of money issues and out of state-ness.

Martes = either somewhere in lower Michigan or Florida. Both out of reach in both travel and money. That and it was more of a doctor-type school anywho. Not for me.

Brandy = Bingo! I can make her come with me!

Tadashi...

Brandy bailed. Twice.

I go to Superior, knowing no one, and freaking the fuck out. Somehow, I managed to make friends in the hardest ways possible. Which is any way for me. I can't talk to people. It was hell. I cried every night. My roommate and I were totally incompatable.

Either way, made friends. Aya-chan and I get uber close and share a room for the second semester. Aya-chan leaves for Canada to be with her BF. I cried forever.

Then, the second year, Haruko-san and I buddy up. Get to know each other way better. Now, she's gonna leave. And in her last entry, she talks about how she needs to distance herself from everyone here before she goes.

I'm sorry. WTF? Like it's going to make it easier? Hardly. It'll be worse. You'll simply waste the time you have left with your friends. It's stupid.

There you have it. Misplaced anger at Haruko-san for leaving me like Aya-chan did. Almost exactly like Aya-chan. In essence, she's leaving for Japan for the culture and for Mr. Nice Teeth. And she can't lie to me that Mr. Nice Teeth isn't a HUGE fucking part of her going to Japan. Aya leaves for boy and Haruko leaves for boy and culture.

It's not her falut. It's mine for being the way I am. Though I'm still placing a bit of the blame on her. She can't get away scot free. That would be silly.

And I know that Haruko-san will read this. I'm not stupid in that respect. But I think after I wrote this all out, now it's better. Once I spill my fucking guts (yes, fucking) I feel better and can try to get on with it. Had I said nothing of this, I simply would have been a big ball of anger. We don't need that.

I think that's all I have to say. I'm pretty pooped out from this fucking large entry.

Sorry Haruko-san, for ranting at you for the second time in here. I'm just not feeling the best at the moment. Hope you can forgive.

~Topaz~