Ok Ok Ok. Since I have nothing to do but wait for the mail at work (again!!! .>_O) and my boss is AWOL, I'm updating.

I had some disturbing dreams last night. Three in total. The first was about a woman who cheated on her husband, so he killed her. The second was about a man who only had half of his legs, and half of one arm and was forced to swim out to the middle of a lake to drown. The third was me and some parental figures (whom I didn't recognized) trapped in a house and being swarmed by bugs. I was the only one freaking out.

Yeah, I think it's a message. Either I'm just a fuck (as always) or I'm simply not getting it.

So, yeah... Apparently, I'm resisting the energy change, or so Ojii says. The most sad/upsetting part = I thought I was doing fine with it. I suppose I can't do anything fucking right even when I think I am.

Topaz tries to understand. No, she apparently doesn't get it.

Topaz tries to comment on someones problem. No, she's completely wrong and never helps, only makes herself look like she can't understand. Which is looking to be about right.

Topaz tries to do something she thinks is cool and awesome. No one cares.

Topaz shrives up into a ball and dies. See above.

Yeah. Not in the best of moods. Wouldn't you be a bit angry if no one ever understood what you said and/ or didn't care if they did or not and/or treats you as if you can't do anything without be a fuck up?

Yeah, welcome to Topaz-ville. You can check in, but you can't check out.

Jesus fucking Christ. I mean, it's one thing to tell me I'm doing my entire life wrong. But when you don't even give me a tip to try and fix it, it's not like it's going to fucking change for the better. I'm only going to be more pissy and fall deeper into depression.

Dammit. Why do I even bother?

I swear to fucking God... So fucking sick of it all.

How about this? We don't bother Topaz anymore, and then maybe she'll forget she's just a baby and her lower than dirt self-esteem might reach par with worms.

Sounds good?

All right then.